Dating Ratings: How Men and Women Rate Each Other on Dating Websites
Men find women more attractive than women find men
Here’s a graph that goes viral from time to time on the interwebs. It shows how men and women rate each other’s attractiveness on the dating website OKCupid, based on an old post by one of the website’s founders Christian Rudder.
It’s a fascinating result, albeit one somewhat demoralizing for half the population. As you can see, women rate more than 80% of men as below the midpoint of the scale. In contrast, men consign less than half as many women to that cursed zone, rating 60% of women at the midpoint or above.
This isn’t just a one-off finding. One study on the dating app Tinder, for instance, found that men hit the like button on around 62% of female profiles, whereas women hit it on less than 5% of males.
These numbers and others like them fit nicely with the fact - well-documented by evolutionary psychologists - that women tend to be choosier than men about their sexual partners, at least in early courtship and for casual sexual encounters. I summarize the evidence for this sex difference in my book The Ape That Understood the Universe.
An interesting twist discussed in Rudder’s post is that whereas men tend only to message the women they see as the most attractive, women also often message men further down the good-looks totem pole. This probably reflects the fact - also well-documented by evolutionary psychologists - that although both sexes prize good looks in a mate, men tend to prize them more. I discuss this difference in my book as well.
Does women’s greater willingness to consider a man they find less physically attractive contradict the idea that women are choosier? No. Although women don’t confine themselves to messaging only the most attractive men, they do still message men much less than men message women. Thus, women are choosier overall, despite placing less weight than men on a prospective partner’s looks.
How should we think about love and dating in light of the graph? The economist Bryan Caplan wrote an interesting piece tackling this question, with the provocative title “The Typical Man Disgusts the Typical Woman.” Here’s an excerpt:
Men should stop taking rejection so personally. When the typical women rejects you, the problem isn’t so much that she finds you unappealing. The problem is that the typical woman finds almost all men unappealing. You can’t reasonably say, “I have a job, I combed my hair, and asked nicely. What more does she want?” It really is like trying to get on a Minor League baseball team because you can throw a ball and swing a bat. Protesting, “It’s just the Minor Leagues!” is childish. While they’re not the best in the world, they’re still really good.
Women should stop taking unwanted advances so personally. When the typical man pesters you, the problem isn’t so much that he refuses to see that you’re out of his league. The problem is that almost all women think they’re out of his league. The typical suitor doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, much less scare you. He’s just lonely and is doing his best to win you over. “His best isn’t good enough”? Fine, but you can still let him down gently. When firms reject job applicants, they usually don’t ghost them, much less send an email saying, “You’re pathetic.” They try a little tact, starting with: “Unfortunately, no suitable position is currently available.”
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