I’m thinking of how we judge our own sex, not how we choose mates. For instance, do you think men admire peers with high body counts? I always thought they did. Andrew Tate and other successfully promiscuous men even write books and have podcasts to teach other men the art of the pickup, or whatever.
For women, I’m less sure, because attitudes have changed as we (western women) have become less religious and more secular. I know amongst my own peers, a high body-count for a woman might indicate an indiscriminate nature, recklessness and lack of self-worth. Or perhaps a “You go girl!” encouragement. It would depend on the context. That of course is totally anecdotal, but I would be curious to know more.
Great point. I think you're right that men often do admire guys with high body counts. Sometimes it may be grudging admiration mixed with disapproval. But I do think it's common.
It's different and more mixed with women, like you say. Interestingly, there's a paper that argued that the suppression of women's sexuality comes more from other women than from men: https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.6.2.166
Well done study. I’m adding this to my archive. I have a few comments:
1) I’m curious to see if partner quality matters as much as partner count and parter distribution. In other words, if a large proportion of someone’s partners were one night stands rather than “I knew her from work, we fell in love, and slept together”, my guess is that woman would be more bothered by this fact than men. However, I suspect it would be counted less than partner count and partner distribution.
2) Thank you for highlighting how differences across cultures are not as drastic as people make them out to be. I guiding maxim I have from looking at so many bell curves is that there is more variation within groups than between them.
3) I’m curious to know who would adjust better to a partner with a higher body count when in a relationship with such a person, men or women. Because women show a bias towards valuing resource procurement while men show a bias in valuing fertility, my guess is that women would be more willing to overlook past transgressions if current benefits are offered, while men would struggle to accept it. This is just another way of saying, while both partners care about fidelity, men would care about it more out of fear of cuckoldry.
On 1, my intuition is that men would be more bothered than women. But I agree that it's an interesting question and one worth addressing.
On 2, thanks!
On 3, my intuition is the same as yours: Men would struggle more, on average, for exactly the same reason that they struggle more to forgive a sexual infidelity.
In studies where men are asked about the number of lifetime sexual partners they would like for themselves, the means are often in the double or triple digits. I think this is evidence of a sexual double standard since they prefer a long term partner with a much lower body count.
The discrepancy probably isn't as big as it seems, though, as desired lifetime sexual partners encompasses the whole lifetime, whereas preferences regarding long-term partner's body counts only include the partner's lifetime so far.
Also, I think women's desired lifetime sexual partners are often somewhat higher than their optimal number of past sexual partners of a long-term mate. So, both sexes have this sexual double standard; it's just stronger in men than in women.
Well I think the female distribution is somewhat skewed with a subset of women pulling the average up. I read somewhere that the modal number of desired lifetime partners for women was only one.
Yep, that’s true - but it’s also true of men: The averages are skewed by a subset of men, and the modal number for men is one as well, at least in some datasets.
So, if the averages reveal a sexual double standard, it’s not one we can project onto every member of either sex, but instead just a subset.
I’m thinking of how we judge our own sex, not how we choose mates. For instance, do you think men admire peers with high body counts? I always thought they did. Andrew Tate and other successfully promiscuous men even write books and have podcasts to teach other men the art of the pickup, or whatever.
For women, I’m less sure, because attitudes have changed as we (western women) have become less religious and more secular. I know amongst my own peers, a high body-count for a woman might indicate an indiscriminate nature, recklessness and lack of self-worth. Or perhaps a “You go girl!” encouragement. It would depend on the context. That of course is totally anecdotal, but I would be curious to know more.
Great point. I think you're right that men often do admire guys with high body counts. Sometimes it may be grudging admiration mixed with disapproval. But I do think it's common.
It's different and more mixed with women, like you say. Interestingly, there's a paper that argued that the suppression of women's sexuality comes more from other women than from men: https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.6.2.166
An interesting topic for further research!
Well done study. I’m adding this to my archive. I have a few comments:
1) I’m curious to see if partner quality matters as much as partner count and parter distribution. In other words, if a large proportion of someone’s partners were one night stands rather than “I knew her from work, we fell in love, and slept together”, my guess is that woman would be more bothered by this fact than men. However, I suspect it would be counted less than partner count and partner distribution.
2) Thank you for highlighting how differences across cultures are not as drastic as people make them out to be. I guiding maxim I have from looking at so many bell curves is that there is more variation within groups than between them.
3) I’m curious to know who would adjust better to a partner with a higher body count when in a relationship with such a person, men or women. Because women show a bias towards valuing resource procurement while men show a bias in valuing fertility, my guess is that women would be more willing to overlook past transgressions if current benefits are offered, while men would struggle to accept it. This is just another way of saying, while both partners care about fidelity, men would care about it more out of fear of cuckoldry.
Hi Will. Some great points there.
On 1, my intuition is that men would be more bothered than women. But I agree that it's an interesting question and one worth addressing.
On 2, thanks!
On 3, my intuition is the same as yours: Men would struggle more, on average, for exactly the same reason that they struggle more to forgive a sexual infidelity.
In studies where men are asked about the number of lifetime sexual partners they would like for themselves, the means are often in the double or triple digits. I think this is evidence of a sexual double standard since they prefer a long term partner with a much lower body count.
Good point!
The discrepancy probably isn't as big as it seems, though, as desired lifetime sexual partners encompasses the whole lifetime, whereas preferences regarding long-term partner's body counts only include the partner's lifetime so far.
Also, I think women's desired lifetime sexual partners are often somewhat higher than their optimal number of past sexual partners of a long-term mate. So, both sexes have this sexual double standard; it's just stronger in men than in women.
Well I think the female distribution is somewhat skewed with a subset of women pulling the average up. I read somewhere that the modal number of desired lifetime partners for women was only one.
Yep, that’s true - but it’s also true of men: The averages are skewed by a subset of men, and the modal number for men is one as well, at least in some datasets.
So, if the averages reveal a sexual double standard, it’s not one we can project onto every member of either sex, but instead just a subset.